~ Navigating by Starlight ~

Yikes!

2008-05-04T04:54:34Z

I forgot a lot >_< but it was fun to try!

Thanks, lyricalisse!

And this one was amusing:
41% Geek

ladyzeia @ 2008-03-05T02:41:00

2008-03-05T11:19:10Z

I see it's been almost 4 months since my last update, and since I happen to have some time at the moment...

Tonight (this morning), I'm pulling an all-nighter so I can sleep during the day before working night shift Wed-Fri nights this week. I'm 3+ years into this job now, and I find myself alternatively hot and cold regarding it. Lately, I've been working night shifts to support special lab testing about once a month, and while the work is exciting and rewarding, it is physically and emotionally draining. High pain/high gain. In the last month, I've found myself slipping into bitterness, frustration, resentment...signs of burn-out, probably. I want to take a vacation, but I first need to find a backup for my project, if I want to take the vacation anytime soon. And this means battling my pride, fear, and shyness in order to ask for help. It's slow going.

Since Oct (I can't believe it's already been this long), I've been going to a program called Celebrate Recovery at my church. It's a 12-step program, and it's really great. I'm learning so much about myself: about my emotional unavailability, how my attitudes and choices in my past are affecting me now, how I find it difficult to process things other people have done that have hurt me (I prefer to dismiss/deny any pain), and various other things I can't quite articulate right now. This has also been painful, but constructive, purposeful. Definitely wouldn't be doing it without God's guidance and constant provision, though.

I miss writing fiction as a way to express myself. I find it difficult a lot of the time to articulate what I'm thinking or feeling in words, but writing in 3rd or 1st person fiction has usually been easier. I might...well, right now I need to find something else to do before I fall asleep too early. Might add more later. :)

Test your vocab / donate rice!

2007-11-12T20:00:34Z

Check out this neat online game that 13redrose sent me:
Free Rice

ladyzeia @ 2007-10-29T08:27:00

2007-10-29T15:29:53Z

Happy Birthday, kushali!!!

ladyzeia @ 2007-09-09T15:34:00

2007-09-09T22:58:13Z

Wow - almost 6 months since my last real post. It would be hard to sum up that space of time, but here are some highlights:

+ Small group retreat on Camano Island (April)
- Struggled with some majors temptations (off and on; on-going)
+ Got a kitty! (June)

+/- Jury duty (August)
- No summer vacation >_<
+ d20 Modern gaming
+ Wild blackberries, picking and baking with (August)
+ Promoted at work (July)
+ Baking cinnamon rolls from scratch (last week)
+ Gardening, though my sweet peas died, the beans weren't very tasty, and the carrots are funny looking...but really fun to watch things grow and see fruit (vegetables) produced!
+ The Excellent Wife by Martha Peace (though challenging)
+ The Golden Filly series by Lauraine Snelling (books I read as a teen and loved - it was great to read them again)
+ Tahn series by L. A. Kelly
+ Prayer meetings and small group meetings
+ Christ, my sufficiency
+ Kingdom Hearts II - played the whole thing by myself, though I didn't do many of the extras. Lovely game.
+ The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman
+ Philippians 4:6-7

Today, I'm getting ready for my parents to come over to meet the kitty (Gracie) and have an early dinner. I wanted to make apple crisp for dessert, but my apples were all wormy (gross!), so I decided on oatmeal cookies with apple chunks from the one good apple I had (store bought). But it has turned more into a bar than cookies and is still in the oven. I sometimes take too much creative license with cooking... <3

ladyzeia @ 2007-09-03T11:03:00

2007-09-03T17:59:41Z

Happy Birthday, lyricalisse!!!

Life Lately

2007-03-11T22:53:42Z

I can't remember the last time I posted here. I've been so busy lately...

- Work is very demanding and stressful right now. I had to work last Saturday (3/3) and I may have to work a crazy schedule during the eight days following 3/16.
+/- My group at work is moving buildings. This doesn't make sense, because our lab will still be in the same building, and it will require a lot of going back and forth for us. Right now, however, I'm so anxious for CHANGE, that I'm just hoping the new atmosphere will be better, even if more inconvenient. One good thing is that I'll no longer be responsible for facilitating a Bible study on Fridays at lunch. It was always a source of stress for me to have that responsibility, and felt so ritualistic. The fact that besides me were only guys was another stress factor. There were great times of being uplifted as well, but it's really kinda hard for me to share with a group of older men.
+++ Going off the Pill and switching to Fertility Awareness Method. I've been taking the Pill for seven years, and for the last several months, I've really been resenting what they've done to my body. I'm so thankful that Erik is supportive of this change. I want to feel like *me* again and just be natural--the way God made me. This is really exciting for me.
+ I've been attending Alpha on Sunday nights at my church. This is my first session doing it, and I'm at a table with a couple of my girlfriends, who are my age. It's a lot more comfortable than when Erik and I tried going to one night a year ago, and ended up sitting with older men. It's great food, and I love Nicky Gumbel's videos. He's a great speaker, and he uses great illustrations. He always brings up things I didn't quite grasp before. The only downside is that it's a Sunday night thing, and my Sundays are already pretty busy since I go to church and lunch with my dad in the mornings. I don't get to see Erik a lot on Sundays.
+ Cats! I finally got to head over to Erik's family's place yesterday for dinner. I got to pet kitties. I wish we could have cats...I'd love to have one just curl up on my lap whenever I'm home. Erik wants a kitten, though, and with both of us working so much, no one would be here to supervise it.
- Loneliness. Some days, I really feel my lack of close, intimate friendships. I love my husband so much, but we don't share my faith. With home and work responsibilities, although I make it to church events and see my girlfriends, I have a hard time ever calling them or going out for coffee. I don't do much email or chatting anymore, so I generally feel disconnected. (lyricalisse and boonychica, I miss you guys!)
+ Books! I love books. I've read so many great ones lately. My introverted self finds a lot of comfort in books, but I wonder if I'm allowing them to take the place of real relationships? Lately I've been reading Corrie ten Boom, Philip Yancey, Joel C. Rosenberg, Francine Rivers, and L. A. Kelly.
- I miss having a library at church and helping out there. My favorite service in the church was shelving books, checking them in and out, at the little library we had. My church is doing some building now, so the library is closed. When the construction is all done, I hear the library will be different, but maybe there will still be an opportunity for me to help out there.
+ Discovery channel. Erik and I like to watch Mythbusters on Wednesday nights. Fun, crazy stuff.
+ 2 Corinthians 5:17
+ Hymn: Till the Storm Passes By
+ Cinnamon rolls. Yum!
- Lack of long-torso shirts. I need to find some time to go shopping.
+ www.stuffonmycat.com
- Taxes. :p

I suppose that's all for now. Might go curl up with a book for awhile... :)

ladyzeia @ 2007-02-01T11:57:00

2007-02-01T19:59:29Z

Please take a moment to remember the families of the seven astronauts who lost their lives in the Columbia accident, four years ago today.

Abolish Modern-Day Slavery

2007-01-17T19:56:18Z

I just heard from International Justice Mission, that there's a new movie coming out, Amazing Grace, that tells the story of William Wilberforce, who led the abolitionist movement in the UK (200 years ago) to abolish slavery.

Slavery is not something I think much about these days, but it does indeed happen, in very real ways and to very real people, ranging from bonded slave labor to forced prostitution and children abducted to fight in wars (read stories of freed slaves here).

When I first read about this last night, I came away with a movie I'd like to see when it comes out at the end of February. I didn't think much more about it. Then I had a dream about a little 10-year-old boy named Braden, who had been kidnapped. I tried to rescue him, but I couldn't trust any authorities. I got him out of the place, only to have him return later because of Stockholm syndrome. I work up remembering what I'd read in IJM's book Terrify No More about the importance of aftercare facilities for girls rescued from forced prostitution.

Because this doesn't happen near us, it's easy to pretend it doesn't happen. But everyone out there enslaved deserves to be free, like we are. The Amazing Change has a petition they're circulating to "call upon global leaders to commit themselves to abolition." Please take a moment to go have a look here.

Also, for anyone who attends church, there is an Amazing Grace Sunday planned on Feb. 18, to sing Amazing Grace and pray for the end of slavery.

ladyzeia @ 2006-11-27T22:14:00

2006-11-28T05:14:41Z

Here is a neat thing to do for our men and women serving in the armed forces overseas! Just click this link and fill out a thank you card: Let's Say Thanks. Xerox will print the card and send it to a soldier overseas. You don't get to pick who gets the card, but I'm sure anyone would love to have their day brightened with a 'thank you,' particularly during this holiday season.

Is there really such a thing as hell?

2006-11-20T02:31:14Z

Even as a Christian, I find it hard to believe that a real place such as hell exists, and that there isn't any way of being saved from it once you're there.

At a prayer meeting, I heard about this book--about this guy who was taken to hell for 23 minutes and then brought back by the Lord. The following link contains a shortened testimony, in either text or audio. It's very worth checking out, if you're even the least bit curious.

23 minutes in hell

via lyricalisse

2006-09-10T05:20:46Z

This was fun, but I was disturbed by how many of my interests came up with porn. o_0

Create your own! Originally Written By ga_woo, Hosted and ReWritten by darkman424

ladyzeia @ 2006-09-02T20:34:00

2006-09-03T03:35:51Z

Here's a neat article about two women who went to hang out with some homeless people, and how God provided. Thanks for posting, lyricalisse!.

Lost my post :'(

2006-08-30T04:17:45Z

But really, I need sleep anyways. :D It's enough--indeed, more than enough!--that I am forgiven and loved by God. He is incredible. Everyone should get to know Him. :D

Maybe I'll have time later to update on teh life...maybe not. But I'm in good hands.

And Tahn by L. A. Kelly is a beautiful, uplifting work of fiction. I can't wait to read the sequel.

<3

Ashes

2006-08-21T01:27:01Z

I wish I were as articulate as lyricalisse in describing my thoughts. But if it's not fiction, I tend to be very sloppy and impatient. Maybe too hard on myself. I don't know.

Hard things have been coming up lately. I had difficultly sleeping last night, thinking about choices I had made in the past. Painful to think about...wondering how, if I ever had a daughter, I would possibly explain these things to her in the hope that she wouldn't follow my example but choose a better path. That God would enable her to choose that and stand firm.

This morning I got ready for church feeling guilty because I didn't want to go. I had no problem with going, but I felt guilty for my lack of reverence, thinking and feeling like the message would be of little relevance to my life. I tried to confess that, and pray that the pastors would speak what God wanted them to, and that I would be humble to listen out of respect for their position and the difficult jobs they have.

I went, and it was a good thing I took my handkerchief with me. Today's message was about starting over--incredibly apt considering my anguish last night. Pastor Ward talked from Ezra 3, when the Israelites--newly returned from 70 years of captivity in Babylon--began to build an altar to the Lord on the ashes of the previous temple. On the ashes of the past. Pastor Ward likes to talk about two kinds of people: those who have been broken, and those who are broken still. I definitely fall into the latter category. He emphasized the need for Jesus, and the need for help.

That is where I get stuck (convicted). I've got Jesus, and I know He could heal me in an instant of all my problems if He wanted to...but He hasn't in everything, and I think part of that is because He wants to bring me into closer relationship with believers. I have been blessed to have many Christian friends and mentors, but there isn't one that I feel I could really open up to. No one I'd feel comfortable sharing with about those shameful things I wish I could just forget ever happened.

There is my mom, and she'd understand...but who wants to talk to her mother about these kinds of things? But actually, I think it's less that and more knowing that she would love me and care for me and pray for me that breaks me inside. I realize that that doesn't necessarily make sense, but if you've ever heard of a book called Hiding from Love, it would make some sense. I don't like being vulnerable. I don't like weeping in front of someone (I can somewhat handle it in front of my husband, but I can't necessarily talk to him about these things).

But I know I need healing, and it's a surgical metaphor that comes to mind. If the Doctor has told me the treatment, what do I do? Choose the scalpel? Or let the sickness continue to devour me, ignoring it until it becomes worse than before?

But I do take comfort in knowing that all I have to do is say "yes," and the Doctor will properly prepare me for the procedure. He won't abandon me or leave in my hands to handle what He knows I can't handle.

Refinery

2006-08-11T03:44:32Z

Knowing You
Words and Music by Graham Kendrick

All I once held dear, built my life upon
All this world reveres, and wars to own
All I once thought gain, I have counted loss
Spent and worthless now, compared to this

Knowing you, Jesus, knowing you
There is no greater thing
You're my all, you're the best
You're my joy, my righteousness
And I love you Lord

Now my heart's desire, is to know you more
To be found in you, and known as yours
To possess by faith, what I could not earn
All surpassing gift, of righteousness

Knowing you, Jesus, knowing you
There is no greater thing
You're my all, you're the best
You're my joy, my righteousness
And I love you Lord

Oh to know the power of your risen life
And to know you in your sufferings
To become like you in your death my Lord
So with you to live and never die

Knowing you, Jesus, knowing you
There is no greater thing
You're my all, you're the best
You're my joy, my righteousness
And I love you Lord

(emphasis mine)

I poured out my heart to God on the bus ride home today, over Psalm 139. I've been feeling so stressed out over my inadequacies, my failures, my lack of performance. I'm reading a difficult book right now called, The Fear of the Lord by John Bevere. It's a good book, but difficult to take in. And it doesn't help that I've been praying for refiner's fire lately. But I've really been convicted in reading of how commonplace I've treated the glory of the Lord, His mercy, His grace, and His awesome power. And especially, His holiness.

But God is more than capable of changing and restoring me. Of growing in me a healthy fear of Him, in addition to security in His love. Bringing me to the place where I can "work out my salvation with fear and trembling, for it is the Lord that works in me" (Phil 2:12-13).

The book has also given me just a taste of God's immense and unfathomable glory. He shines brighter than the sun (Acts 26:13), which bathes our planet in light and is still 96 million miles away! When God makes His home on earth, no wonder we won't need a sun or moon to give us light!

But there's also the fact that the closer we get to the light, the more our own flaws and stains are exposed. However, I'd rather be painfully near God than comfortably far away from Him, ignorant of the judgment I was heaping upon myself.

What other way is there? When He has the way to eternal life? When He loves me so much that His thoughts towards me are more numerous than there are grains of sand? When He knew before I was born all the days of my life that would be...and still He chose that I would live and come to Him. How could He lose me along the way, weak and distracted as I am? He precedes and follows me, and knows my anxious heart. And still loves me. How can it be?

ladyzeia @ 2006-08-09T19:57:00

2006-08-10T03:04:26Z

While I'm writing this, there are two gamers nearby playing WC3 and generally making a lot of noise. Chatty boys. One of our friends from college, Adam, is staying with us for an extended weekend. He brought us a leather chair (o_0 apparently his family wanted to get rid of it) and had dinner on the stove when I got home from work :D

There will be much nerding it up this coming weekend.

Work has been better lately, because God is merciful. Sometimes I'm shocked He hears my prayers at all since I have so many problems with irreverence and distraction, but His grace is so wonderful.

I played around with the s2 layouts and found one I really like. So I changed it up again.

I'd write more, but I'm not able to concentrate too well with all the background noise. I need sleep, anyways. :)

ladyzeia @ 2006-08-06T20:03:00

2006-08-07T03:04:59Z

Woohoo...just wasted an hour on a new layout and icon. I'm so good at time management... o_0

But God is merciful...and somehow He keeps me from being useless all the time.

(This is really just an excuse to use my new icon.)

ladyzeia @ 2006-08-04T21:42:00

2006-08-05T04:55:10Z

I've owed an update for a long time, but alas, I'm too busy.

Tonight was very bittersweet. I got to see my mom after work, which was great (we rode the bus home together), since she's been out of the state for a month.

After I got home, Erik wanted to go out, so we went to the mall. I got a little album for pictures from my Lummi trip, and some bright tissue paper to wrap a present. My quest to rent Beauty and the Beast from Blockbuster again failed, so maybe it's not meant to be.

We had pizza for dinner at the food court, meanwhile on the stage, were two men playing accordion and violin. And a few couples were actually dancing! It made me all misty-eyed to see these older couples dancing together. I told Erik that when we're old and retired, we need to learn how to dance.

After that, we hit the bookstore, and after that I wanted to wander through the pet store. I should not be allowed in pet stores, because I always want to take everything home with me. I had a little betta in college, so I looked at the bettas at the store...and I just felt so bad for them! They were all in these little, pint-sized plastic containers, many lying on the bottom as if they'd lost the will to live. :( I so wanted to buy them all and feed them and love them. Erik had to steer me out of the store.

Outside Circuit City, we ran into my little bro on break. It was good to see him again, but he's kinda being a punk these days. But I love him. He's my little bro (tear).

Still no good movies at CC, so we came home.

Another bittersweet thing is that my website domain, fatebound.net is expiring on the 19th this month. It's so weird to think that I started that website 3 years ago, and how much it's changed since then. I don't think it will be missed except by me, but that's okay. It's nostalgia. :)

I thought about renewing, but it just seems like I should be using the money I spend on that for something else, since I never pay much attention to it at all. I'm going to miss the image-hosting, though. That was quite handy.

Oh well. Simplify. But I think a little bit of grieving is okay, too. Fifteen days to go...

ladyzeia @ 2006-07-15T23:38:00

2006-07-16T06:39:28Z

Fragile. I feel so small and frail... How is it that I’m spread so thin to the point of breaking? Or is that all an illusion?

I am nothing but dust after all. The only beauty within me is what You’ve placed there. And yet, somehow, You love me?

This is the part I struggle with: I see love as an emotion based on attributes. Earned by embodying worthy characteristics: honor, purity, virtue, compassion. The closer I look at myself, the more I realize that the love-deserving characteristics I presumed to possess, are thin, brittle veils that burn like spider webs and break to the slightest touch. And so long as I base my value in Your eyes off my personal virtue, I am miserable. There are not enough hours—daylight or otherwise—to accomplish the virtue I lack. Everywhere, things are left undone and I battle guilt, bitterness, and exhaustion.

Yet this, You say, is love: Not that I loved You, but that You first loved me, and took upon Yourself my brokenness, that I might obtain Your righteousness in exchange. You loved me before I ever knew You, and that love was not based on who I someday could be, was it? Nor was it based on a remnant of love or longing for Your first, unspoiled creation, was it?

I do not understand this kind of love.

Grace is the thin line between license and despair. It is the narrow road I almost moment-by-moment fall aside from. I imagined it first as a high and treacherous path, with sheer dropoffs to either side. But recognizing how quickly even my thoughts are swayed from the Truth, I imagined it next bordered by snarling dark shapes, pressing in upon me, tearing at my flesh with teeth and claw. Their essence: perfect hatred.

Yet, I am not alone: a strong hand grips mine, urging me forward on the way. “Hold tightly to Me,” He commands. I know that is the answer, yet I also know from experience how difficult it is to do.

“Do not fear,” He says, reaching into my very thoughts. “I will not lose any who are Mine.”

No matter how many times I stumble, I know He will be there to pick me up. He will never abandon me to the darkness that hates and only wishes to annihilate me. What is my part of this, but to believe? What is there for me to do, but trust that we will, as He promises, come to the end of this road one day?

What is there for me to do, but take His hand and stand, beholding His beauty, majesty, glory, and the victory that has already been won?

Do not fear, oh my soul, for the hand that grips yours bears the everlasting mark of His perfect love for you and His victory over all death and over all darkness. Just be still, little one, and receive that love.

ladyzeia @ 2006-07-08T22:28:00

2006-07-09T05:42:42Z

I just got back a little while ago from meeting triquestral and her family. It was awesome! It's crazy to think that we've known each other almost three years, but this was the first time we ever met in real life, because she lives on an entirely different continent than I do. But she happens to have family in my area, and they planned a trip to the States for a few weeks this summer. So today we were able to meet! It worked out perfectly being Saturday--I had no plans for the whole evening. (Definitely a God-thing!)

We met at a park downtown of where I live. I met tri's husband and their two adorable children, ages 13 and 5. The little one just had so much energy! And, thankfully, it was a gorgeous Washington day. Clear blue skies--no hint of rain. :) After meeting at the park, we headed to the mall for dinner at the pizzeria. I was so glad the kids like pizza! I wasn't sure what they would want to eat, since the food they get at home is so different. But we had some of my favorite college pizza, and wandered the mall. Tri's daughter, L, fell in love with the Build-a-Bear store. Her parents had to promise to get her one, later. We had ice cream and smoothies for dessert, and headed back to the park to our cars. The only pictures we got were in the dark, which was unfortunate, but hopefully they will turn out anyways! Tri and her family gave me a gorgeous bowl from Japan, beautifully wrapped! I just had little things for the kids: a flower pendant for L and the first Kingdom Hearts manga for N--he's excited for KHII to come out. (If you see this, tri, I saw on Amazon.co.uk that it comes out Aug 25 for you guys!)

Then we parted ways, after I tried to give them directions to their destination. I'm praying that God will guide them there safely, since I wasn't sure the best way to get there. I miss tri now so much! Technology is wonderful, in that it can bring people together from across the globe, but it's so nice to have the people you love at arms' reach.

Someday. ;)

Cayman pics!

2006-06-10T06:26:02Z

Dan uploaded some pics from our Cayman trip. He also did the captioning.

ladyzeia @ 2006-06-09T20:56:00

2006-06-10T04:51:50Z

Why is it that epic battles always make me tear up? (I'm currently watching Narnia) Why is it that just reading the summaries of fantasy-faith-romances stirs giddiness inside? Is it because I'm a girl? Is it because I've always enjoyed writing and reading this kind of stuff?

Or is it because there's some deeper, purer love out there that I'm seeking? Something that is stirred by epic struggles of good vs. evil, faith vs. fear. Beyond the knights, the tales of valor, even victories and sacrifice of captains on starships...what is the deeper romance written on my soul?

I saw heaven standing open and there before me was a white horse, whose rider is called Faithful and True. With justice he judges and makes war. His eyes are like blazing fire, and on his head are many crowns. He has a name written on him that no one knows but he himself. He is dressed in a robe dipped in blood, and his name is the Word of God. The armies of heaven were following him, riding on white horses and dressed in fine linen, white and clean. Out of his mouth comes a sharp sword with which to strike down the nations. "He will rule them with an iron scepter." He treads the winepress of the fury of the wrath of God Almighty. On his robe and on his thigh he has this name written:
KING OF KINGS AND LORD OF LORDS.
Revelation 19:11-16

It was almost a week ago, that I was thinking on passion. At a church meeting awhile ago, the pastor posed the question, "What's your passion?" in order that we would seek our strengths and minister there. I was speechless. Nothing came to mind. Not since I had, months ago, basically given up on writing. I didn't realize how much that hurt until my mom asked about it, almost randomly one night on the phone. She talked about how she had given up so much of herself when she had first been married. How she let pieces of her God-designed self die. Tears immediately welled and ran down my cheeks. I had put the writer in myself to death. But I wasn't sure what to do. My writing, while perhaps helpful and productive--and at the time of writing, satisfying--wasn't something I could focus on or pick up again.

I hadn't thought about it for awhile, and then came that night, nearly a week ago. I stepped in the shower, with the question of passion aching inside, and amidst tears, I had an epiphany. Until Jesus is my passion, my story--nothing else will satisfy or prosper. No work of art will be worth the effort, unless He is the center and source of my life. When He is my everything, my pearl of greatest price, then may the writer have something to pen. No longer my words trying to fit into something religious, but words coming from inside. So I've been praying for Jesus to be my passion. I know I'm not all there yet, but I think I'm closer than before.

This Sunday is our first wedding anniversary. I was thinking, on the way home from work, how different I am from where I was a year ago. I'm much more confident in the Lord (though I know I'm still really lacking in faith!)--I no longer feel (as often) that something bad will happen; that I'm destined to fail. I feel much more loved, though I still doubt God's love almost daily. Could He really love me? I've learned a great deal about prayer (though I need to pray more and better), and about Scripture (though I need to read more and deeper). I've gone to church numb, cold, and bitter, ignorant of the Lord's presence, and been overwhelmed by Jesus' love. I've come to see people, and myself differently. And I truly love my husband, even though he doesn't believe as I do (I still need more patience with him though). Somewhere along the way, I'm beginning to switch over from survival mode to thrive mode--an answer to a recent prayer.

It's funny--taking my spiritual pulse varies so much when I look just at the moment. But when I look at where I was back then, and how far Jesus has taken me, it's hard to believe. I still feel like I'm just on the edge of Christ's love, just on the edge of knowing Him. So I still have a long ways to go.

I came across this Psalm yesterday, and though I think it was written to the king and queen at the time, I think it can also apply to the King and His future Bride.

My heart overflows with a beautiful thought!
I will recite a lovely poem to the King,
for my tongue is like the pen of a skillful poet.
You are the most handsome of all.
Gracious words stream from Your lips.
God Himself has blessed You forever.
Put on Your sword, O mighty warrior!
You are so glorious, so majestic!
In Your majesty, ride out to victory,
defending truth, humility, and justice.
Go forth to perform awe-inspiring deeds!
Your arrows are sharp,
piercing your enemies' hearts.
The nations fall before You,
lying down beneath Your feet.
Your divine throne endures forever and ever.
Your royal power is expressed in justice.
You love what is right and hate what is wrong.
Therefore God, Your God, has anointed You,
pouring out the oil of joy on You more than on anyone else.
Your robes are perfumed with myrrh, aloes, and cassia.
In palaces decorated with ivory,
You are entertained by the music of harps.

Listen to me, O royal daughter; take to heart what I say.
Forget your people and your homeland far away.
For your royal Husband delights in your beauty;
honor Him, for he is your Lord.

The bride, a princess, waits within her chamber,
dressed in a gown woven with gold.
In her beautiful robes, she is led to the King,
accompanied by her bridesmaids.
What a joyful, enthusiastic procession
as they enter the King's palace!

Psalm 45:1-8, 10-11, 13-15

Peace, love, and blessings... <3

ladyzeia @ 2006-05-28T18:18:00

2006-05-29T02:36:24Z

I'm very glad to be home, and to have the extra day tomorrow to regroup before heading back to work. We arrived late last night--after midnight--after many long hours on planes (but certainly not as many as lazyangel!), going through customs, etc. We didn't really do any shopping in Cayman except for groceries, though I did bring back some Tortuga rum cakes for the families. The airport at Cayman had about eight stores and of those eight, four were liqour stores and two were jewelry stores. The others were misc. Two of the guys in our party bought liquor...not for the liquor but for the felt draw-string pouch it came in...to use as a dice bag. Are we off the nerd scale yet? :D

I miss Cayman, though. I miss looking out the patio of our condo and just seeing gorgeous turquoise ocean. I miss seeing the dive boats load up and head out and come back. I miss the hot, humid, but breezy air (never thought I'd say that!), and the blue skies with wispy clouds. I'm grateful to be back in the cooler weather and less humid air, but... Cayman is very beautiful. We were singing about the ocean in church this morning and I just pictured the beautiful, calm bay outside our condo, waves lapping at the reef a ways out. there's something...about the ocean...makes me rise up and praise

At some point, I will post pictures. I gotta grab them from the guys, though, since they were the main picture-takers.

We (Ek and I) ended up only diving three of the six days we were planned to dive. Erik ended up getting pretty seasick and sunburned and didn't want to dive much. My ears and sinuses were bothering me, as well. (In fact, I still feel like I'm on the boat when I stand up or sit down too quickly) But we are now certified PADI divers. I wasn't sure I was going to make it to be certified. Sunday my sinuses were bothering me and I didn't think I'd be able to clear my ears to go to depth. I had a lot of trouble on our first dive and got really stressed out. I did a lot of crying out to God, wondering if I really wasn't supposed to be here doing this...but I remembered something rhinemaiden said a long time ago, about God not setting her up to fail. So I thought about that and got back in the water for my second dive that day--much smoother dive! And I was able to complete all the necessary underwater skills.

Monday, I woke up with horrible pains in my back from getting on/off the boat with the tank on. It hurt when I breathed deeply. So I didn't figure that diving again would be the smartest thing. But even as I though this, I watched myself get ready to go. I told the instructor about my concerns, but he encouraged me to try, since it was my last two certification dives. He also said I could take the tank off in the water instead of hauling it up on my back after a dive. That saved my back, I think. We completed our certification dives that day and promptly crashed after lunch. Erik had a rough time on the boat, though, so we decided to take a break and not dive on Tuesday. I had finished the one book I'd brought with me besides my Bible (Unshaken by Francine Rivers--great book!) on the plane there, so I ended up playing a lot of Harvest Moon on GBA. Wednesday we were back in the water for two morning dives and the night dive. My max depth was 104ft! Never in my wildest dreams did I think I'd be making that one! But it actually wasn't a big deal.

Buoyancy is a big thing I have to work on, though. All the experienced divers can swim around with their hands neatly folded, using just their feet. Meanwhile, I’m flailing everywhere with my hands to try to stay where I want to be. I think it’s something I’ll just have to practice if we decide to go diving again. The dive operation’s videographer came with us that morning, so we picked up a dvd he put together. Since we decided to not dive Thurs or Fri, I’m really glad we got to get the dvd of that dive. Also, one of the guys rented an underwater camera, so he got some really neat pics too. On Friday I went snorkeling within the bay by myself, since Erik didn’t want to get out into the sun. It was neat! I wandered through turtle grass for a long time (not so neat) until I got to this place, several feet from shore where there were some containers lodged underwater from a wreck a long time ago. A small group of fish had made that place their home, not to mention a couple of sea anemones. There were two large fish (1.5 feet?) and a bunch of smaller ones (7 in?)…it was kinda like swimming in a koi pond like my mom and stepdad have. Then I decided to be a little more adventurous and headed out a ways to another marked spot. On the way, I saw a mini reef! It was so cute! Only about a foot or so tall, and there were tiny, tiny fish and anemones. The fish were like the inch long miniatures of the ones I’d seen at the other reef. I wonder if they are babies or just tiny fish. Onward, I came to a larger reef in maybe 10 feet of water. There was a three-foot-long fish hanging out that I did not want to mess with at all, but he swam off and I cautiously explored the reef. On the seaward side there were clouds of tiny, thin silver fish—big schools of them—that I swam through. I was still nervous about being alone with that big fish though, so I soon headed back to the beach and waded home in my fins. It’s just hard to look out the patio doors at that huge blue ocean and not want to be in it. I got back just as the diving guys came back and the lasagna I’d put in the oven 2 hrs earlier was just about done. After lunch there was much, much nerding it up and playing of Harvest Moon.

Yesterday, after packing up and such, I headed out with Adam’s mom to Georgetown to do my omiyage (souvenir) shopping. I was sad to see that everything pretty much had a Made in China label on it, so I ended up with the rum cakes and some mango ginger stirfry sauce that I think my dad will enjoy. We met the guys for lunch at Hard Rock Café—my first time there. I vaguely remember walking into a Hard Rock once previously in my life and then back out…I wonder if that was the Ashland trip in 8th grade. And from there, we headed to the airport.

On to today… Right before we left on this trip, I had a crisis epiphany that 80% of my wardrobe is Old Navy apparel, and they’ve been cited for using sweatshop labor. Really, just looking at all the different labels makes me wary…Cambodia, India, Vietnam, Indonesia, and places that I can’t spell. It bothers me to think that I have bought clothes at bargain prices that make American company heads rich while the people who make the clothes are abused and denied even the right to speak up for themselves. It bothers me that I never really thought that the clothes I buy were being made that way. I can claim ignorance, but that doesn’t make me innocent. I’m in something of an ethical quandary, since I really love the jeans I recently bought at Old Navy, but I’m not sure I can wear them without feeling guilty. I will likely be searching for new jeans.

I’ve also been thinking about fair trade chocolate. I found out that the majority of the chocolate produced in the world is from the Ivory Coast, and 40% of that is forced child labor. I bought two Snickers bars at the airport in Georgetown, and though I want to eat one, I don’t want to think about the little children trafficked into that place and forced to work to produce the cocoa. So I’ve been running around online looking for fair trade chocolate and I found out that a chocolate bar I bought and ate months ago (Endangered Species Chocolate – dark chocolate with raspberries) is fair trade and organic. And on sale. I think I will be buying a few bars tomorrow.

In my sweat-shop free clothes searches, I came across a couple of neat places. First is justiceclothing.com, who has some cute closeout items.

Then I found this gem: Nueva Vida Women’s Sewing Cooperative in Nicaragua. Here’s a video of their amazing story. They sell through Maggie’s Organics and they have adorable organic baby clothes, as well as cute camisoles and a really neat criss-cross top. I think I’ll definitely be dropping some money there tomorrow. I wish there were more places locally that I could trust to have sweat-shop free clothes. It’s hard to sort out all the brands and such.

Well, back to more surfing… :)

ladyzeia @ 2006-05-24T15:51:00

2006-05-24T22:53:06Z

Whether we are high above the sky or in the deepest ocean, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord.
~Romans 8:39

I could ask the darkness to hide me
and the light around me to become night--
but even in darkness I cannot hide from You.
To You the night shines as bright as day.
Darkness and light are both alike to You.
~Psalm 139:11-12

We're going on a night dive in less than an hour. XD